Unbelievable
by gryffon47
Summary: Four years after D.E.B.S. What happens when Lucy isn't the only one that kidnaps Amy? Lucy/Amy, Scud/Janet
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: We own nothing in this chapter, but we wish we had the skymobile.

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Trendy Yet Discrete Restaurant 2300

Amy and Lucy were toasting to Scud and Janet's happiness for what seemed to be the fourth time. After sharing a kiss, Scud and Janet sat happily at the table next to them discussing their honeymoon plans in Australia, hoping that Lucy wouldn't do anything crazy in their absence. Amy believed it to be a bit overboard because Lucy hadn't done anything illegal in the four years they had been together, other than faking their passports.

Amy noticed Lucy's abnormally high amount of alcohol consumption in the past two hours, and that she seemed very nervous about something, but she didn't know what? She tried not to let her mind wander about what would be making her girlfriend so anxious at a time when most people would be celebrating, but most people weren't Lucy. Amy just hoped she hadn't gone back to her old ways of scheming and attempting to take over the world.

Lucy was holding her liquor quite well, despite having four shots of tequila and four beers. It seemed that Scud's idea of an open bar was not a good one.

"Are you nervous?" Scud asked taking a seat in the bar stool next to her.

"I'm never nervous," she replied before chugging half of her fifth beer.

"Really," Scud questioned raising his eyebrow.

"So maybe I have a few butterflies, but it's not everyday you ask your girlfriend to marry you," Lucy explained. "She's the one trying to make the world a better place, and I'm the one trying to sink it. I mean, she's the perfect score and I'm me. Scud, why is this happening to me?"

"We've already gone over this. You love her, and she loves you, amazingly enough," he replied.

She slapped his shoulder playfully. "This isn't funny. Why is it I can hold the whole world hostage but I can't ask my girlfriend to marry me?"

"How many times do I have to tell you? Love is harder than crime."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "Don't you have a honeymoon to get to?"

"Technically, yes, but we're still waiting for your speech," he told her.

"Speech?" Lucy questioned as her face paled and her eyes widened. "What speech?"

"You FORGOT?!" Scud exclaimed, causing everyone in the room to avert their eyes onto the bickering friends.

"I didn't forget, I was testing you."

"On what?"

"Your ability to listen to the wedding planner," she bantered.

"So you have a speech." Scud said surprised.

"Of course I have a speech." she grabbed her purse and headed over to the stage. "In my head," she mumbled under her breath. Truth be told, Lucy was the one who hadn't been paying attention to the wedding planner, due to a certain maid of honor wearing a slightly revealing gown during the dress rehearsal dinner. Scud had even reminded her on several occasions, but it always seemed to slip her mind. And now she had to go on stage in front of one hundred people and wing it. Not her finest moment, but even super villains get stage fright.

She coughed into the microphone to get everyone's attention.

"Hi, for those of you who don't know me, I'm Lucy, Scud's best friend, and best man?" she questioned. "I've known Scud most of our adult lives, and we've been through some interesting times together, most of which was me doing something stupid, and him helping me out of it. Scud is like a brother to me in so many ways, so when Scud told me he was dating Janet I was very… surprised. When I first met Janet there wasn't as much talking, as there was screaming. So it's understandable we didn't get along right away. Since then, however, I've realize that they were meant for each other in their own special way." She turned and looked at Janet. "But if you hurt him there will be hell to pay."

Janet began to resemble a ghost in shock, while Scud was shaking his head and staring at his feet before comforting his now trembling wife. On the other side of the room Amy was trying to stifle her laughter and Max had cracked a smile for the third time that night (the first two will not be mentioned for the sake of sanity). Dominique, however, missed the entire event due to Janet's relentless attempts to get her to stop smoking indoors aka she was outside taking a very, very long drag.

"Cheers to the happy couple!" she quickly added before running back over to the bar and finishing her beer.

An hour after Janet and Scud had left for the airport Dominique made a reappearance, only to disappear with an attractive former employee of Lucy's. The famous super villain herself was nursing what she vowed would be her final drink of the evening.

Amy sat down next to her, and handed her some aspirin.

"You're going to be needing those later."

"Thanks," she nodded swallowing both pills at once.

"Was that really necessary?" Amy asked. "Your speech was a little harsh, I figured you would have told her that on the first date."

"If I remember correctly, it was our first date as well, and it never occurred to me this was where we'd be in four years. Also, you can be distracting with your intellectual babbling."

"I was not babbling," Amy protested.

"Really, because you apologized for it. Besides you're cute when you babble, like a little puppy dog covered in mud."

"You're drunk."

"Aww, I love you too," Lucy replied tapping her on the nose.

"Come on, we need to get a cab home," Amy replied as she helped Lucy to the front door.

"But what about the skymobile?"

"I'll get Max to bring it home tomorrow morning, when you feel better. It'll take a lot of convincing, but I'll get it done." She opened the door of one of the cabs waiting outside, and climbed in behind Lucy.

The ride home was peaceful, mostly because of the aspirin, seven beers, and five shots of tequila had her seeing stars.

Amy was amazed. Lucy could hold the whole world hostage, break into the most secure building in the world, and plan to sink Australia, but she couldn't see her best friend get married. Unbelievable.


	2. Chapter 2

Evil Lair: Ungodly hour in the morning

Lucy's head was pounding and she instantly regretted opening her eyes, due to the illuminated numbers on the alarm next to her.

"Lucy," Amy groaned. "What time is it?"

"Too early," Lucy mumbled before dropping her head on to the pillow.

Amy softly chuckled, and reached over Lucy to grab the alarm clock. She suddenly realized she had overslept, and the alarm hadn't gone off. "Aww, Sonofabitch! Lucy did you turn the alarm off last night?" Amy rushed out of bed, and started desperately searching for clean clothes.

"Did I?" Lucy grumbled into her pillow. She raised her head up slowly. "I might have, I can't remember anything. What happened last night?"

"Well," Amy said quizzically. "There was beer, and wine, and shots, and then a taxi ride, where you passed out."

Lucy suddenly shot up out of bed. "THE WEDDING! OH MY GOD I FORGOT ABOUT THE WEDDING! WE'RE GOING TO BE SO LATE!!!!! SCUD IS SO GOING TO KILL ME!!!!!!"

"Lucy, honey, you got drunk AT the wedding. Hence, it already happened, hence Scud is not going to kill you, at least not for being late."

"Then why are you getting ready?" Lucy asked confused.

"Because I have to go to the studio to meet an art dealer," Amy explained. "And he doesn't understand the concept of sleep."

"He would if he knew who your girlfriend was," she mumbled incoherently.

"Goodbye, I love you," Amy said, kissing Lucy quickly, before rushing out the door.

Lucy collapsed back on the bed. "Uhm wuv fou hou," Lucy replied into her pillow before falling back asleep.

Amy's Studio 1100hrs

Lucy opened the door, and tried to balance the coffee and the bag of bagels at the same time. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Lucy apologized loudly, and ran smack dab into a cop, and spilled all of her coffee on him, but none on herself.

"What are you doing here?" Lucy asked. "Where's Amy?"

"How about I'm sorry for spilling coffee all over you in the middle of a crime scene," He replied.

"Well, you're the one who was standing in my way and obstructing my view with that lard ass, you have there. Wait, Crime Scene? CRIME SCENE!!! WHAT THE HELL, I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING?!!!"

"Amy Bradshaw was reported kidnapped a little more than three hours ago," He told her stone faced. "Alex Bradshaw, Interpol, I'm in charge of this investigation. Amy is my younger sister, so you can imagine my surprise when I cam here this morning to find her studio ransacked, and a ransom note on the floor. For investigative purposes, I'm going to need your name, and affiliation."

Lucy dropped the coffee, and her face instantly paled over. Her brain had stopped functioning after the word 'kidnapped'.

Max suddenly came bounding through the door with hell in her eyes. "LUCY! WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU GET AMY INTO NOW! I SWEAR TO GOD, IF THIS IS LIKE THE LAST TIME WHERE YOU USED YOUR 'CONNECTIONS' TO GET THE LANDLORD TO SIGN THE PAPERS, I'LL SHOVE THIS GUN SO FAR UP YOUR ASS…" Max stopped when she noticed Lucy's expression, and Alex looking over the crime scene.

"Amy's been kidnapped," Lucy said all too quietly.

"What?" Max asked in shock.

"Give me my keys." Lucy ordered. "So help me god, if anyone thinks they can get away with this they are dead wrong! I need to stop by the house and get some supplies, and then, they die."

Max tossed Lucy her car keys and started checking her guns, and followed Lucy out of the door. "We need to stop by headquarters, and get Dom, she's going to want in on this, not to mention, we need bigger guns."

"Screw the guns, we'll use the death ray."

"NOW WAIT JUST ONE FUCKING SECOND!" Alex screamed. "I'M IN CHARGE HERE, THIS IS AN INTERNATIONAL CRIME!"

"I hate to break it to you, but this IS the end of your jurisdiction," Lucy told him while pulling her gun out of her waistband. "Now, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!"

They both stormed past him and into Lucy's precious skymobile, and before Alex could even begin to run after them, her tires screeched against the pavement and they sped off.

"Hot damn." Alex whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

Evil Lair 1300 Hours

"Australia is toast!" Lucy vowed into the seemingly empty room. "And yes I am well aware that dislike of their attitudes isn't great grounds on which to hate them, but frankly I don't give a damn." She tipped the contents of the vodka glass into her mouth.

"And to think I don't even like vodka!" She winced as the liquid hit her throat and she recalled the grounds on which she had the right to hate the cursed drink. It had an awful lot to do with a certain Russian who mostly wanted to be "dancer".

As soon as she started thinking about Ninotchka, her thoughts wandered to Amy, and when they first met, and their first date, which just went nowhere fast.

Her cell phone ringing interrupted her fast downward spiral.

"We're on our way back! So wait four hours before you decide to sink the continent we're currently on!" Scud exclaimed.

"Scud?" Lucy questioned.

"You cannot blow Australia up! We haven't left yet! Oh, and we're coming back early. Interpol just issued an official statement about Amy."

"What? Scud, what did they say?" Lucy probed.

"We were just about to leave the airport, when Janet saw Amy on the news."

"So you don't know!" Lucy exclaimed.

"We haven't been outside of an airport since we left, we haven't done anything, and I mean anything, so this had better not be a prank."

"You mean you haven't, you know," Lucy asked.

"No! Now I'm hanging up and going to find an earlier flight, because this is obviously not a joke. You have to pick us up at the airport. Oh, here comes Janet, I have to go. Bye."

"Uhh," Lucy said listening to the dial tone.

The alarm screeching suddenly cut through her thoughts.

"LUCY!!!!! LET US IN!!!!!" Max was screaming into the intercom. Lucy rolled her eyes. Max always did know how to make an entrance.

She pushed the red button to let Max and Dom in.

Lucy went over to the fridge and started looking for something else to drink.

"Stop NOW!" Max ordered. "You are NOT getting drunk! DO YOU HEAR ME! My best friend has just been kidnapped, and pardon the pun, but I can't do my job if her girlfriend can't even keep her head on straight."

"I'm not the only one that's not straight," Lucy mumbled.

"Excuse ME!?" Max screamed.

"I was talking to her," Lucy said pointing to Dom who was smoking, as usual. "But if there's something you would like to share with the rest of the class I assure you, we're listening."

"AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN YOU ACT LIKE YOU CARE FOR TWO SECONDS?!!! IT'S LIKE YOU WANTED HER TO GET KIDNAPPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I wanted her to get kidnapped. I WANTED HER TO GET KIDNAPPED! I love her more than anything, and coming from me that's something. I was going to propose!"

"What?" Max asked stunned.

"I was going to propose after the wedding, but I was nervous, so I had a drink and passed out in the cab, and now everything just went down the tubes, and she's gone. She's gone," Lucy said. "Fuck!"

"We'll get her back," Max told her.

Dom cleared her throat. "Work?"

"Right," Max agreed. "We talked to Mr. Phipps, and he gave us everything on our past cases. Possible suspects, people we put away, everything."

"So who else is on the list besides me?" Lucy asked.

"Lots of people, but most of them are locked up, and you're the only one that ever kidnapped her, so were kind of screwed."

"Ah," Lucy replied. "I guess that means we start going through my files, cross referencing, see if anything pops up."

"I need coffee," Dominique said.

"Left hand cabinet above the sink," Lucy told her. "What do you know about the guy from Interpol?"

"Amy's older brother? He's the reason she joined the Academy. She never really talked about him, she said they were very competitive. I'd never seen him before this morning." Max told her.

The alarm went off again, and Lucy looked at the video screen.

"Speak of the devil."

"Do you want me to handle it?" Max asked.

"No," Lucy told her. "I want to find out what he knows." She walked to the front door and opened it just enough to poke her head out.

"Lucinda Reynolds?" Alex asked.

"Lard Ass."

"I need you to come with me?"

"What? No. I'm busy."

"Lucy!" Max screamed. "Where are all of your files?"

"In the office, I think. I don't know, Scud has everything organized."

"Well, come here and help!"

"Hang on," Lucy replied.

"What are you doing?" Alex asked. He pushed the door open wider, and saw Max looking at all of the files spread out on the kitchen table, and Dominique in the corner smoking, with a cup of coffee in her hand. He took a few steps towards the table, pushing Lucy aside.

"Classified." Max told him.

"You don't have security clearance," Alex replied.

"No, YOU don't have security clearance," Max said

"I'm sorry, who said you could come in?" Lucy asked. "This is our house, not yours. You can't just come here to arrest me and barge in without a warrant, I have rights. At least Scud told me I had rights if this ever happened. I pay my taxes, at least most of the time…"

"Lucy, you're not helping," Max told her.

"I don't mean to interrupt, but what the hell is going on?!"

"Don't get me started," Lucy said. "We're trying to find AMY. YOUR SISTER. MY-"

"You're the one that kidnapped her!" Alex interjected.

"Then why isn't she here smart one? God, Amy really is the brains in the family."

"Lucy, you're computer's doing something funky," Max said.

"What now? I just fixed it, or rather Scud just fixed it."

"I can't even get a hold of tech support, and I'm on hold."

"We'll fix that sentence later, right now, give me the phone."

Lucy took the phone from Max, and started dialing a different number.

"Hi, I need to talk to your superior, and Do NOT put me on hold!"

"I'm Lucy Diamond goddamnit!"

"I have two International Agents and an annoying lard ass standing next to me."

"No, you CAN'T put me on hold!"

"Stupid Sonofabitch! You fucking jackass. I'm gonna castrate you with a fucking spork!" Lucy turned back to the others. "They put me on hold," she said through clenched teeth.

Meanwhile, Alex walked over to the computer and started pushing random buttons, ignoring hot chick's rant.

"All done," he told them smugly.

"Huh," All three women said simultaneously.

"I fixed it."

"What?! You fixed it! You couldn't have said something sooner, like ten minutes ago, before tech support! Have I mentioned how stupid you are?!" Lucy told him. "Get out!"

"I think you mean THANK YOU!" he sneered getting in her face.

A loud gasp round the room.

"You may be a Bradshaw, but you are not Amy, which means you get the fuck out of my face before I make you!"

"I'd like to see you try," Alex challenged.

Max and Dom could both see the fires of Hell in her eyes.

Before Lucy tried to kill him Max grabbed her and started dragging her towards the kitchen.

"Men, such fools." Dominique commented before extinguishing her cigarette.

"Amy is more important than your pride. Remember, AMY," Max said.

"MY SISTER!" Alex added.

Lucy turned to face him with tears starting to well up in her eyes. "I do NOT need this shit from you!"

"Come on," Max said leading her to the couch. "You need sleep."

"I can sleep after we find Amy. I need her more."

"Ok, emotional overload. Now, sleep before I knock you out."

"Fine, wake me in an hour." she said defeated curling up on the couch.

Max walked back into the kitchen, and looked at Alex.

"What?" he asked.

"You help, or you leave, got it. The last thing Lucy needs is another pain in the ass, and the last you want is to piss off the world's deadliest super villain. You're on a need to know basis from now on. Got it."

"I can't believe you're defending her."

"Your sister did."

He walked over to the wall, and looked at a picture of Lucy and Amy together.

"When was this?" he asked.

"I don't know," Max replied. "Like two months ago, right after Amy opened the studio."

"She has the same picture on her desk."

"No, really," Max said sarcastically. "Why would they have pictures of each other?"

"That's why I'm asking you."

Max gave him the trademark 'Janet' look. "Amy really is the smart one in your family."

"Why is everyone saying that?" he asked defensively.

Max rolled her eyes, and shook her head.

"I mean, It's not like they're dating or anything. She is single right? Lucy, not Amy."

"You have seriously got to be shitting me," Max said before slapping him upside the head, and leaving the room.

"What?" Alex asked.

"Stupid," Dominique said before slapping him upside the head.

"Why does everyone keep hitting me?"

Dominique simply shook her head, and walked out.

"Women."


	4. Chapter 4

Evil Lair: 0200 Hours

"Amy…." Lucy muttered in her sleep. She unknowingly headed out their bedroom and padded softly over to the living room that housed the death ray. She reached for the controls and turned it on, her dreams turning to the time that she had thought Amy didn't love her.

"Hey Luce…." Scud's eyes widened at the scene before him. He ran over to the sleep-walking thief.

"LUCY FUCKING DIAMOND! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"

"Australia's toast," she replied with her famous line. Scud sighed, recognizing the scene.

"And what's your beef with the Australians?"

"I don't like their attitudes," she mumbled incoherently. Scud rolled his eyes.

"Okay…" he said and turned off the machine and directed her over to the couch.

"Lucy are you asleep?"

"Yes." He sighed. Well, this would be interesting. Nothing like dealing with a sleep walking super villain hell bent on Australia's destruction first thing when you get home.

"Well… WAKE THE FUCK UP!" Lucy jumped about ten feet and her gaze went wild before coming to focus on her, literal, partner in crime.

"Jesus! When did you get here?"

"About two seconds ago," he told her. "You were trying to blow up Australia…… again."

"I don't remember that. I remember… what do I remember?" Lucy took a moment to look him over and regain her bearings.

"Hey aren't we missing someone? Where's your overly perky spy girlfriend?"

"You mean my wife, Janet?"

"Yeah her, wait you got married?"

"Um, Luce you were at the wedding."

"I was? Well, was I wasted?"

"Uh, yes, actually you were, and I did not appreciate that or the little speech you gave…"

"Scud! Not helping!"

"My bad."

"Speaking of significant others, where's mine?'

"Uhh…" Lucy's eyes widened in horror as what happened suddenly dawned on her.

"Oh god, Amy. Amy." Her whole body sagged and her normally strong demeanor was shattered as she remembered her lost love. Scud put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"You love her." This time it was a statement of fact rather than a question, but Lucy made her adorable puppy face just the same.

"Then we're going in." She looked at him with something resembling a smile as she knew what he'd say next.

"We gots to get her back."

"But I'm not singing with a pool stick this time."

"Who's singing with a pool stick?" came a familiar way too perky voice.

"Ah, there she is!", Scud said with a flourish and stood to greet his wife. He leant in to kiss her when his eyes fell on Alex's sleeping form.

"Who is that?"

"Who's what?" Lucy asked before looking over and noticing Alex asleep on the couch.

"Oh, THAT. That would be the annoying lard ass named Alex who is apparently Amy's long lost brother."

"Oh, but what makes him an annoying lard ass?"

"The fact that he's a complete idiot, or so Max says."

"Max says what?" Max asked as she entered the room and headed to the fridge to make herself a protein shake.

"Those are overrated you know," Lucy interjected.

"So I've heard. Jeez, you and Amy really are meant for each other."

"Is that my sweater?" Janet asked, having noticed Dom's entrance into the room. Dom simply gave her a look that was a mix of confusion and irritation. Then she looked around and noticed the entire room had a similar expression.

"Damnit, Janet!" Max yelled.

"I thought that was my line," Scud said confused.

"What?" Lucy asked.

"I am so confused," Dominique replied.

"Alright! Everyone just shut up and tell me what the hell is going on!" Lucy said.

"Penguins!" Alex yelled bolting off of the couch. "They're gonna eat me!"

Everyone was suddenly silent, and staring over at Alex.

"Oh my god," Scud said shocked. "Amy is the smart one."

"Why does everyone insist on saying that!!!!" Alex demanded.

"Gee, I don't know, Cause IT'S TRUE!" Max yelled.

"Well that doesn't mean that you have to tell me every second!"

"You've been hitting on Lucy, how much more stupid can you get!" Max told him.

"I'm a guy, and she's hot, there really isn't that much thinking involved."

Lucy picked up a rather large book, and started to hit Alex in the head with it when Scud came over and took it out of her hands.

"When was the last time you actually TALKED to Amy?" Janet asked. "You know, like in person?"

"When she was at Jameston, she was dating this guy, what was his name, Billy, Buddy, Bippy, I don't know."

"Bobby," they all said simultaneously.

"You know him?" Alex asked.

"What about your parents?" Max asked. "You had to have talked to them recently?"

"They didn't like my career choice, so I stopped talking to them after I became an agent, that was right before Amy got accepted into Jameston, and I didn't even know she applied there. Wait, didn't you guys go there, we could never find it on any of the maps."

"Just drive until you get liquefied by a plaid force field, then you're right outside," Lucy told him.

"You're kidding, right?" Alex looked at everyone in the room.

"Not really," they mumbled.

"Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Yes there is-" Lucy said.

"I'm sorry, what?" Janet cut Lucy off. "I zoned out. Are we talking about when she got a perfect score?"

"Aw, not that stupid test again! I never hear the end of that, although it wasn't as bad as when she was working on her thesis. If I didn't know any better I could have sworn she was in love with them. What was that person's name?"

"About that-" Lucy began.

"No when she was a spy," Janet interrupted again, and gave him the 'stupid' look.

"Amy was a SPY!"

"I mean-" Lucy started.

"Like for the CIA?"

"Well actually-"

"Does she have higher security clearance than me?"

"Probably, but-"

"And why didn't I know about this?"

"Well there-"

"I'm her brother, I should've known about this!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND LISTEN FOR TWO FUCKING SECONDS!!" Lucy turned around and started waving her arms frantically. "IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! LIKE HOW SHE'S NOT A SPY ANYMORE! AND HOW WE'RE DATING AND ENGAGED, WELL KIND OF, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! THE POINT IS, I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR SISTER! AND YOU NEED TO STOP HITTING ON ME BEFORE I SHOVE MY DEATHRAY SO FAR UP YOUR ASS-"

"Lucy," Scud said.

"WHAT!" she screamed whipping around. "Where'd the bastard go?!"

Then she looked down at Alex lying unconscious on the floor, and Max standing above him with a rather large book in her hands. She quickly put two and two together.

"That guy was more annoying than Bobby. Now we know why she never talked about him," Max replied.

"At what point did you knock him out?" Lucy asked.

"Right before you started ranting."

"You couldn't have stopped me from ranting?"

"You needed it," Janet said patting Lucy on the shoulder.

Lucy looked ready to murder someone, when Scud grabbed and half dragged her to her room.

"Go to bed," he ordered, slammed the door in her face, and locked it.

"I just put my twenty-five year old boss in timeout," he said in disbelief. "She's gonna kill me."

"It's ok," Janet cooed wrapping her arm around his shoulder and patted his back.

Max rolled her eyes in disbelief before turning to face Dom.

" Please tell me you've found something more interesting than these two love birds."

"Oui. Je sais qui prendre elle."

" You need to speak English or French, Fringlish isn't a language." Janet repeated as Dom rolled her eyes.

"I zink I know who took her."

" Who?!" Alex and Lucy yelled simultaneously.

"Lucy! You're supposed to be in timeout, and Alex if you say one more word and you're going in the corner," Max screamed.

"Sorry," they muttered.

"Now if everyone would be quiet, I could perhaps divulge zis pertinent information," Dom said angrily. Everyone stared at her. That had to be the longest sentence she had ever said, and with big words too!

"As of twenty-seven hours ago, Amy was reported missing."

"Yeah, we know that."

"But what you didn't know was zhat ze Bulgarian Chancellor was behind it."

"What?" Five voices rang out, confused.

"It seemz zat ze Chancellor was saved by Amy and decided to repay her for it."

"How's that work?" Lucy asked.

"Well it zeems zat he iz quite taken with her."

"How do you know that?"

"This," Dom said and hit a button on the computer, bringing up an image of an older gentleman preparing to speak.

"Ladies, as I'm sure you have probably noticed, one of your squad mates has gone missing. I am here to simply tell you not to fret. She is safe with me, for I will not harm one beloved hair on her head."

"What's going on? Who's talking? Why is Amy his beloved?" Lucy said through the door.

"Say another word and we'll gag you," Max threatened. "And tell Amy to take away your handcuffs."

There was some incoherent grumbling behind the door.

"I heard that! And that is so not appropriate!"

"Why on earth does she need handcuffs?" Alex asked.

"Can it! Both of you!"

"Can we get back to ze movie now?" Dominique asked.

Max nodded and she hit play again.

"Ever since she saved my life from that blonde bumbling drunk-"

Janet coughed nervously.

"I have been in love with her, irrationally, irresistibly, and irrevocably in love with her. She will be quite happy here, and American psychology assures that she will love me too."

The video stopped playing, and it was too quiet on Lucy's side of the door.

"Did you get all that?" Scud asked.

"Yes."

"I'm going to open the door now, so don't do anything crazy."

He unlocked it and opened the door slowly.

Lucy was standing in the doorway with her fists clenched, and if people thought hell was frightening, they didn't see the expression on her face.

"Where is he?" She said quietly. "Does he know what he's done?"

Dom hit a few buttons and a print off popped out of the computer.

Lucy grabbed a pair of Berettas off the table.

"We leave in five," she said heading for the door.

"Lucy, you don't kill," Scud said trying to stop her.

"I do today."

She grabbed the paper and headed towards the Skymobile.

"What did she just grab?" Janet asked.

"The good Chancellor informant list, and their last known whereabouts," Max answered.

"Aw Fuck. Hell just broke loose."


	5. AN

We would like to apologize for not having a fifth chapter up yet, and that this is a false alarm it is currently under construction. We swear under fear of Lucy Diamond's wrath it will be up before the new year. We're having writing issues.

Sincerely yours,

Gryffon47 and NDASKY100


	6. Chapter 5

0230 The Tunnels of Barcelona

Alex was two mph away from crapping his pants, he had never met such an erratic driver, and as for Scud and Janet, it was nothing new.

"WHY ARE WE DRIVING SO FAST?" Alex screamed.

"You're right, we SHOULD drive faster," Lucy replied before slamming her foot down on the gas pedal more.

The car lurched forward and Alex's face turned a new shade of green.

"Where are we going?" Janet asked.

"Junkpit." Lucy said.

"Ah," Janet replied. "Is anyone else having de ja vu?"

"Well, you could always scream for old times sake," Scud teased.

"I would, but I'm pretty sure Alex is going to beat me to it."

"I don't know, he is from Interpol. Interpol agents do not scream."

"100 dollars says you're wrong."

"50 and it's a deal."

"Deal," Janet agreed, before kissing him.

"That was nice."

"You know what would be even better?"

"THERE WILL BE NO SEX IN THE SKYMOBILE, ESPECIALLY IF I'M NOT THE ONE HAVING IT!" Lucy responded.

"Normally, I would offer to help with that, but I'm a little under the weather," Alex added.

"If you puke, I throw you out."

"No puking, got it." Alex nodded.

"Lucy, don't forget the, AHHH," Scud yelped when Lucy made a sudden hard left, into the tunnel.

"Oh gawd," Alex moaned.

"Is that a wall?" Alex asked.

"OH MY GAWD! IT'S A FUCKING WALL! OH MY GOD WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!" Alex screamed like a girl.

Lucy was extremely irritated by the time she had put the car in park, and Alex was still screaming.

"Would you SHUT UP!" they screamed at him.

"Where are we?" Alex asked in his normal voice.

"It's a club chain," Scud explained. "International underground clubbing circuit. One of the best kept secrets in the world."

"Not now Scud," Lucy told him as she stormed past. "We don't have time."

"What does she mean?" Alex asked.

"They had their first date at one of the clubs," Janet told him. "I would just let it be. This could get ugly."

"Her first date with who?", Alex asked, clueless.

"Amy, duh.", Janet said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world (and it probably was to everyone but Alex.) Alex immediately started laughing.

" Amy? My sister and Lucy freakin Diamond? Oh, that's hilarious! I'd pay good money to see that!" He began rolling on the ground laughing maniacally. Lucy was currently torn between kicking him while he was down, or decking him when he got up, because no one makes fun of Amy, unless it was her, then it was ok.

Lucy tried to wait patiently, but take much more, so she pulled out her gun. "Are you done yet, or would you prefer to continue with a bullet in your knee?"

"You wouldn't." Alex stated.

"You don't know me," Lucy said coldly.

"She would," Scud told him.

"I'm a federal agent."

"I'm the most powerful super villain in the world. I could care less about what happens to you."

"But you care about Amy," Janet added before gently removing the gun from Lucy's grasp. "Which why we're going into the club to beat up some Bulgarians, not stupid in-laws. That's why God gave us holidays and family dinners, just ask Scud, he's seen my family, and I'm the nice one."

"There are more of you?" Lucy asked terrified.

"I'm one of seven kids."

Lucy paled to a ghostly white, which was quite a feat considering her naturally tan skin. "I think my nightmares had nightmares."

"They were at the wedding," Janet told her.

"I've never been so happy to be plastered," Lucy continued heading for the main entrance.

Max, who had just literally pulled into the parking lot with Dominique, walked over and kicked Alex while he was still on the ground.

"Get your ass in gear Bradshaw," Max told him. "You're wasting time we don't have."

"I think, I'll stay outside for the blood bath," he squeaked in an extremely high pitched should not have been humanly possible.

"Suit yourself," Max replied before following Janet and Lucy.

"You're not going in?" Alex asked Scud who was leaning against the car.

"I got thrown out, after playing BINGO too aggressively."

Dominique stared at Alex in disgust before she lit a smoke, and took a very long, much needed drag.

"Please don't smoke," Alex begged.

Dominique rolled her eyes.

"I have asthma," Alex said pathetically. He slowly stood up and brushed the dirt off of his clothes.

"Shouldn't you be in there?" Scud asked.

"I'd rather not die early because I said something stupid."

"Have you been listening to yourself for the past day and a half. Everything you say is STUPID!"

"No need to get harsh," Alex replied. "I may not be the brightest fish in the barrel, but I'm not stupid."

Dominique looked and blew a huge cloud of smoke in his face. "Idiot."

Meanwhile in the bar, Janet was currently hanging onto all of the guns so no one got trigger happy. But that didn't stop Max and Lucy from getting the answers they needed via broken beer bottle.

"I'm not going to ask again," Lucy warned one of the patrons who currently had the tip of a broken bottle one centimeter away from his eye. "Where IS she!?"

"I don't know," the Bulgarian cried. "I just wanted a beer."

"You want a beer! I'll give you a fucking BEER!" Lucy yelled still waving the bottle dangerously close to his face.

Janet decided to intervene before anything 'bad' happened.

Max on the other hand was bribing the bartender, and when she was done she watched Lucy in amazement.

"Lucy, we can go now," Janet whispered. "Max bribed the bartender."

"He was in on it." Lucy swore with a crazy look in her eye. "I know he was!"

Max shot her with a tranq dart, and she started to see stars.

"They call me borderline psychotic?" Max questioned while helping Janet drag Lucy out to the car.

"What happened?" Scud asked.

"Lucy got a little shiv happy," Max answered.

"That's my girl," Scud teased. "Always doing the stupid thing."

"Did you get anything?" Alex asked.

"Plenty," Janet replied.

"Care to share?"

"With you? Fuck no," Janet cussed.

Scud stared in disbelief.

"I haven't slept in more than two days. Do you remember the nineteen hour flight, with screaming babies and four year-old behind me?"

Scud wrapped an arm around Janet's shoulder and guided her to the car, while whispering sweet nothings in her ear.

"She didn't even tell you to stop smoking," Max added.

"Can someone just tell me what the hell you learned?" Alex demanded.

"The chancellor recently published a best-selling biography about an incident he had in the States a little while back."

"Yeah," Alex nodded. "Something about a drunk chick."

"He's having a book signing in a couple days."

"I take it you have a plan?"

"I think it's time to crash the party."


	7. Chapter 6

AN: thank you readers and reviewers for hanging in there for so long. This chapter took a rather large amount of time write/piece together. enjoy. reviews are always welcomed, your feedback is highly appreciated. YAY!

* * *

1000 hours Entrance to Barcelona International Mall

"This can't be legal," Alex muttered.

"Legal? Who said anything about being legal? Of course this isn't legal! You're with Lucy freakin Diamond! Nothing is legal. You want legal, do us all a favor and go back to Interpol," Lucy ranted.

"So you gonna tell me the plan?"

"Nope cause then you'd try to stop me. For reasons unknown, I seem to be doing you a favor by not telling you."

"Maybe it's because you like me…" Alex taunted. Lucy rolled her eyes.

" Well I definitely have a strong emotion about you, but it is nowhere near the realm of like."

"Well, I'm flattered, but honey I think we're moving a bit fast. No need to use the L word just yet."

"Oh there's an L word that applies to me alright, but it isn't love or at least not with you."

"You're not a loser, Lucy," Janet assured.

"That's debatable," Max mumbled. Lucy shot her a death glare.

"Diamond? Ze plan?" Dominique interjected before World War III began. Lucy brought her gun up and proceeded to cock it in a very Max like matter for emphasis.

"We go in there. We get the Chancellor. We get some answers. We get my girl back." She then flung the doors open and stormed inside with zest.

"I like it. Simple. Easy to remember," Scud nodded in approval.

"Wait a minute, 'her' girl back? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm confused."

"Think about it. Maybe it'll come to you," Max suggested shortly.

"This isn't the time to be thinking! We need to get my sister back!" Alex reasoned.

"Oh will you just move!!!!" Janet yelled, frustrated as she pushed Alex through the door.

The group moved quickly through the place, ignoring the curious glances and glares they were receiving. They had only one objective. Find the chancellor.

They would have succeeded almost instantly too, had it not been for the fact that none of them had been there before and they promptly got themselves lost.

"Damnit! Where the hell is this guy?! You wouldn't think that a dignitary would be that hard to find!" Lucy grumbled, aggravated.

"Well if you had listened to me back at that last turn, we would have..." Alex suddenly found himself face to barrel of Lucy's gun.

"Shut it doughnut boy."

"Oh, we even have pet names now! We're movin' on up." Lucy's gun made a clicking noise as she prepared it for fire.

"Right. Me, silent. Got it." Lucy gave him one last glare before turning around and running directly into someone's back.

"Sorry," she mumbled and tried to move forward.

"That's alright miss... OH! MY! GOD! It's Lucy Diamond! Everybody run for your lives!!!!" Lucy simply rolled hers in response.

"That gets really old after a while." She didn't even run. She simply spotted the Chancellor trying to get away and stalked forward.

"You're mine you son of the bitch," she murmured venomously. The Chancellor scrambled a bit before straightening himself up and facing her directly.

"Ah, Mizz Diamond. Nice to zee you. But if you excuze me, I'll just be leaving."

What happened next could only be described as frenzied. The Chancellor bolted and Lucy took off after him. People moved out of the way for her, making her path easy and the chancellor's not as much. Finally, he gave up and called for his security while he made his escape.

"Lucy! Look out!!!!" Janet screamed right before Lucy dived and rolled to miss having her brains blown out.

"Fuck!" Lucy exclaimed before raising her gun and firing tranqs at the guards. Max and the others snapped into action and the sounds of rapid gun fire filled the air. Alex was torn and therefore hesitant.

"They're just doing their jobs. I can't shoot them!"

"Really? Cause your sister would without a second thought if she were in your place!" Max didn't like hesitation in the field; it cost lives, and she hated it even more when it was someone she cared about.

"Alright." He lifted his gun and fired off a single shot without looking where he was pointing it. He promptly shot Max, who collapsed before jumping back up again.

"Alex!!! You IDIOT! You just shot Max!!!!!" Lucy shouted, stunned.

"Then why isn't she dead or at least out?" Janet asked, confused.

"Oh Shit." Alex responded, remembering something suddenly. "Because I just shot her with an experimental tranq dart designed with high levels of THC"

"You made her high?!!!!!!!!!" Max giggled loudly in response.

"Oh, Lucy you're so funny. I just love you." Lucy quirked an eyebrow.

"Really now? That's news to me."

"Lucy! You and Max can work things out later! We've got a Chancellor to catch now!" Lucy nodded at Scud's insistence.

"Vhat are ve tu do with miz happy pantz?"

"Grab her and throw her in the car," Lucy instructed.

"Lucy, we don't have time to get back to the Skymobile!" Alex told her.

"I wasn't referring to my car. I was referring to that one!" Lucy pointed to a car spinning on display, some new type of hybrid. Alex's eyes widened.

"Are you insane??!!!!"

"Yes. Now move!!"

"God woman. Why do you have to be so sexy when you're crazy?!" Alex muttered as he followed the others through the throng of people to the display.

"Problem. Um no keys," Alex pointed out. Lucy rolled her eyes.

"Seriously? Alex you dumbshit! I'm a fucking thief! What do I do for a living?!"

"Break into things... Oh. I see your point, but you still have to drive it."

"Don't you think I learned how to hotwire a car somewhere along the line!"

"Jesus! Calm down! No need to get all worked up over it!"

"UGH!! I'm going to fucking kill you if you don't shut up!"

"I'd advise you to shut it and get in the car now." Scud whispered to Alex. He nodded and did as told. Lucy crossed some wires and soon they were speeding off through the exit, avoiding pedestrians as they went.

"I cannot believe this is happening right now, " Alex said curling up in a little ball.

"Well you'd better believe it and hold on because I just spotted the Chancellor's convoy!"

"Let me guess. You intend to follow it."

"Oh, hell yeah!"

"Oh, crap." Alex gulped.

Lucy pressed the pedal to the floor, and the car lurched forward through the glass display in the front of J.C. Penney's. While she was randomly swerving in and out of pedestrian traffic in a desperate attempt to follow the Chancellor's convoy Max, in all of her infinite wisdom, decided it was a good time to ask Lucy random questions about whatever came to her drug addled mind.

"Lucy why is your last name Diamond?" Max asked beginning the interrogation.

"I really don't think now is a good time Max," Lucy replied before making a sharp left causing Alex to slam his head rather hard against the passenger side window and pass out.

"Did you know that diamonds are a girl's best friend?"

"No Max, I had no idea." Lucy gritted her teeth as she heard the undercarriage scrape against the pavement.

"Maybe that's why you like them so much. It would explain why you leave them at all of your crime scenes."

"You might be on to something there."

Max grabbed the side of both seats and pulled so that her head was right between Lucy and Alex. "Have you ever considered asking Amy to marry you? You two have been dating for more than four years now, and if you don't ask soon you might miss the window. I mean, it's not like Amy is going to say no. It's only what you've both been worried about for like ever."

"Max, do you have any idea how much you sound like Janet right this very second?" Lucy countered. "Remind me never to get you high again."

"What are you talking about? I haven't gotten high since the day before I took the SAT. Are you calling me a pot head?"

"Max, all I'm saying is…" Lucy started.

"THERE!" Scud interrupted pointing to a house halfway up the mountain to their left. "The Chancellor's home!"

"HANG ON!" Lucy swerved left again, practically knocking Max into Alex's lap. "This is gonna be a bumpy ride!"

"Do you like cupcakes? Because I LOVE cupcakes! I could eat cupcakes all day..." Max continued her cupcake rant for several minutes, while Lucy sped down a not so nicely paved dirt road.


	8. Chapter 7

1045 Hours outside the Chancellor's Country Home

"So, we do have a plan right?" Alex asked slightly concerned.

"Yes, of course, we have a plan," Scud said hurriedly.

"We do?" Lucy was a little worried about the concept of another one of Scud's plans, being as the last one had consisted of her making public love declarations at not so friendly venue. Mass panic had ensued.

" Yes, we do." Scud stated shortly.

"Great, what is it?" Alex could feel his adrenaline pumping. He was going on a mission with Lucy freakin Diamond at his side!

"We go in through the roof. Now there are a set of guards here, here, and here," Scud said pointing to a recently "acquired" version of the blueprints of the Chancellor's home.

"Um Scud? Where did you get these?" Lucy asked, surprised by her second in command's resourcefulness.

"Well if I can't get laid, I figured I'd do something productive with my free time." Scud said giving a pointed glare at Lucy. It seemed he still wasn't quite over the whole interrupted honeymoon thing.

"Sorry," Lucy muttered. She could, in fact, sympathize. She'd spent her fair share of time on the living room couch.

"Anyway, ze plan?" Dominique interrupted before they could get too off track.

"Right, the plan. We take out this set of guards here, sneak through the vents here, and enter the room here." Scud pointed at a single space on the plan. "This is where he's holding her." Lucy's eyes widened.

"In his bedroom? Why that little son of a bi….."

"Ahem, Lucy calm down! You need to be calm if we're going to get Amy back!"

"Calm? Calm! I don't want to be anywhere near calm!" Lucy ranted.

"Lucy! Pull yourself together woman!" Janet yelled, grabbing hold of Lucy's shoulders and shaking her until she stopped her ranting, finally slapping her across the face. An audible gasp was heard all around, including that of Janet.

"Did you just slap me?"

"Did you just slap her?" Scud asked, utterly in shock.

"Oooooo Lucy just got bitch slapped," Max said giggling.

"Um. Sorry?" Janet tried. "Well, feel better now?"

Lucy paused to think about it for a second, and then Lucy slapped Janet across the face. "Now I do."

The two women looked ready to commit murder.

"GUYS! My sister!" Alex shouted at them, effectively ending the momentary feud.

"Back to my plan…." Alex, being the ever- prepared professional spy, realized he had one more thing left to do in order to fully prepare Use…..the bathroom! Having left, he didn't hear the next part of the plan.

"You take out the Chancellor as only you know how, save your girl, kiss her senseless, tell her that you love her, have always loved her and will always love her, then proceed to get down on one knee and ask the girl of your dreams to marry you."

"Scud, you cannot plan out my proposal!"

"I do believe I just did." Lucy then slapped him in the back of the head.

"And now? What do you believe now?"

"Sorry Luce, it's just I know how you are. If it's not in a plan it doesn't get done. And I really want you guys to be together."

"Really, Scud, really?" Lucy gave him a glare. Scud ran his hand through his hair sheepishly.

"And I thought that if you two were on your honeymoon, I could finally go on mine." Lucy rolled her eyes and smirked.

"Now that's more like the Scuddy Boy I know and love."

"So are we gonna do this or what?" Alex said making a reappearance from the little boys room.

"Yeah, but first somebody give Max her gun."

"Is that really a good idea?" Alex questioned. "She is kinda still out of it."

"And meeting Max without her gun when she's not out of it is a good idea? I think not. It's even worse than when Dom brings overnight guests."

"Why? Does that happen frequently?" A loud collective groan was the only response Alex received.

"What? I just want to know!" He was promptly ignored as everyone prepared themselves for the upcoming infiltration. There was way more at stake this time around than just pretty diamonds.

"Formation Alpha Kappa Gamma." Lucy declared.

"Who's Alpha?" Alex was hoping his name came up in the answer.

"That'd be me." Lucy's tone left no room for question, but it didn't stop Alex.

"Not that I don't like a girl on top, but who picked you?"

"Your sister did." Lucy then quietly began the trip up to the roof of the complex, the others following her closely behind.

The trek didn't take long and the group soon found themselves at the side of the house. Lucy retrieved a pair of suction cups from her bag and slowly began making her way up the wall, rope in hand. Once up, she proceeded to toss one end of the rope to the others and each slowly made their way up to where the thief stood, waiting rather impatiently.

"Nice work there Diamond." Alex offered her what he thought was a charming smile. She rolled her eyes in response.

"Dude, Amy is so gonna kill you," Scud said shaking his head.

"What? Why?"

"Bradshaw, shut it! Now c'mon," Lucy barked. She silently scampered to the rooftop entrance to the mansion. She easily picked the lock to it before gesturing the others inside, and once all were inside closed the door behind them. There was no turning back now.

"So we take out this set of guards right?" Alex proceeded to shoot tranq darts at the two men.

"NOOOOOOOO…." As soon as the two men dropped, alarms began wailing throughout the place.

"Not that set of guards," Lucy sighed in an exasperated manner. "If you take out that set, the others will be able to see and set off the alarms, hence the loud ringing sounds currently surrounding us."

"Ooops, sorry, my bad."

Lucy rubbed her temples. "Ok Scud, so what's plan B?"

Scud gulped. "Um Luce, there isn't a plan B."


	9. Chapter 8

Bulgarian Chancellor's Mountain home 1100

The Chancellor stared Amy directly in the eye. "You will marry me!" he demanded. "American psychology assures me of this! Why won't you marry me, goddamnit!"

"Look at me. Listen to what I'm saying," she said slowly and annunciated clearly as if speaking to a three year old. "I'll even use small words, so I don't confuse you.

YOU ARE INSANE!" She yelled. "You have crossed the line that Max has straddled for years, and then some! You are psychotic! PSYCHOTIC!"

"While in my culture this is a great insult, I'd imagine that in America it is probably a loving compliment, seeing as how your country is so backwards, so I will treat it as such."

If Amy's hands were untied she would have been torn between strangling the life out of him, and smacking her self in the forehead. She had currently settled for banging her head against the wall.

"What part of 'I Love Lucy' do you not understand?"

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" he said excitedly jumping up and down like a child on Christmas morning. "I love that show! I have the entire series on DVD and Blu-ray! The 1950s was a great era for television. Do you want to watch?" Amy's only response to this was to hit her head harder.

If there was ever an ironic moment, this was it, Amy thought while remembering the last time she had been 'kidnapped' for a week.

"Luce, Where are you when I need you?" Amy said exasperated.

"I'M COMING AMY!" Came Lucy's battle cry as she promptly charged down the hall and prepared to ram through the glass doors that were currently separating her from her lover.

Had the doors actually been normal glass, the obstacle would have been easily surpassed, but since Amy's kidnapper was an international figurehead, all of his doors and windows were made of bulletproof glass. So, naturally, Lucy collided into the door with a loud sickening 'thud.'

"Ohh," Amy grimaced.

Lucy lifted her head dazed and tried to regain her footing. She wobbled back and forth and opened the surprisingly unlocked door.

"Who is that?" the Chancellor asked.

Lucy regained her balance, pulled out her gun, and pointed it at the Bulgarian.

"Mr. Crazy Lunatic," Amy started. "I'd like you to meet someone very important to me, my _GIRLFRIEND_! Lucy freaking Diamond."

"Oh, you mean your best friend. Your best friend is Lucy Diamond?"

"NO! My **GIRLFRIEND**!"

The Chancellor looked confused. "That's what I said."

"No, " Lucy interrupted. "As in person who is going to kick your sorry little ass for kidnapping her!"

"Ms. Diamond, I would just like to inform you that my ass is neither sorry or little." Lucy smacked her forehead.

"Now you see what I've had to put up with for the past week!"

"I just have one thing to say about this." Lucy stated before promptly hitting the Chancellor over the head with a lead pipe she had somehow magically acquired. The Chancellor then proceeded to crumple to the ground. "You have no idea what I had to go through just to get here."

"Thank God, you finally shut him up!" Amy told Lucy as she was being untied. "My hero," Amy teased. Lucy didn't skip a beat before slamming her mouth to Amy's.

"Have I mentioned how much I loved you lately?" Lucy asked between kisses.

Amy got a little lost in the moment before suddenly pushing Lucy back with her newly freed hands. "No1 I'm mad at you! I've been here for an entire week, WITH HIM!" Amy fumed pointing to the Chancellor's limp body.

"Frankly, my dear I don't give a damn," Lucy replied hungrily, before continuing to kiss her senseless.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! YOU WEREN'T JOKING!"

Amy's eyes snapped open, and Lucy leaned her head on Amy's shoulder. Amy turned her head to find at her brother, who was staring wide eyed and slack jawed at the two of them from the doorway.

"Lucy, why is my brother here?"

Lucy looked up and pursed her lips, while trying to think about a good way to explain the situation they were currently in. "Yeah, he got called in when you got kidnapped. And ever since we've been having some issues, which reminds me. I will never again doubt your intelligence. I am so glad you are the smart one."

"Issues." Amy seethed.

"Ok, Amy, I would just like to say something," Alex started.

"You were hitting on my GIRLFRIEND! While I was being held HOSTAGE!"

"About that…"

"You're dead! You are so dead!" Amy screamed. She ignored Lucy and started chasing her brother around the room. "I am so telling Mom!"

"Not before I tell her you're gay," Alex countered.

"She already knows! If you called home more often like you supposed to, then you would know too."

"I'm sorry," Alex replied lamely. "I'm sorry, alright. I didn't know she was your girlfriend when I tried to arrest her. It's just," he paused. "She's really hot."

Lucy smacked her self in the head again. "Not good," she mumbled.

Amy's fist collided with his face, and blood spurted from his most likely broken nose.

"I don't care. You do not get to say that about my girlfriend." Amy told him while shaking her fist, making sure she didn't dislocate a knuckle.

Alex covered his nose with his hand before he got blood on anything else.

"Would you like to do the honors?" Lucy asked Amy holding up the rope and motioning to the still unconscious Bulgarian.

"We've got time," Amy replied, taking the rope from Lucy and carelessly tossing it on the floor. She wrapped her arms around Lucy's neck and pulled her closer. "I appear to be late for my date with the devil."

Lucy kissed her again, and Amy almost literally melted, completely forgetting why she was so mad in the first place.

"I'm steel ere," Alex squeaked/quacked due to his current medical state.


	10. Chapter 9

AN: My coauthor, who wishes to remain nameless, and I would like to thank all readers and reviewers. And even though this update is five weeks late, it is the thought that counts. We haven't decided if there will be an epilogue. If you so desire one, please hit the review button and simply type the word yes. It's been a good run.

Alex had swallowed a pint of blood by the time Lucy and Amy had stopped making out long enough to actually notice he was still there.

"You know," Lucy started. "When couples make out, other people are supposed to LEAVE the room!"

"OR the couple actually STOPS making out to say hello, especially to the extremely handsome and hardworking Interpol Agent that was the brains behind this operation," Alex gloated.

Amy snickered as Lucy rolled her eyes. "The brains! You thought I kidnapped her! You didn't even know we were engaged!" Two seconds later, Lucy realized what she said, and Amy did too.

"Are we now?" Amy asked. "I was not aware of this development, considering the fact I would have to agree to getting married."

While Lucy carefully considered her next few words, realizing they could very well be her last, Scud, Janet, Dominique, and Max finally decided to make an entrance.

"What we miss?" Scud whispered.

"Lucy, just decided they were getting married," Alex replied.

"So she proposed?"

"Not, exactly."

"And they wonder why I'm not in a…" Max started to say before she noticed Bulgarian hunk checking her out. "Relationship," she finished slowly. "I'm gonna go over there." She began edging her way closer to said hunk.

"Where's your evil cool and world renowned charm now Diamond?"

"Gone with the wind?" Lucy questioned more than stated.

"Ver iz de popcorn ven ewe need it?" Dominique asked.

"Since when did Lucy know allusions?" Scud asked Janet.

They stared at each other for a second before coming to the same conclusion. "Amy." they replied simultaneously.

"When were you planning on asking me, before or after I'd walked down the aisle?" Amy asked.

"So it is a yes," Lucy stated confidently back to her suave self.

"I never said that! I haven't even asked you!" Amy slammed her hand over her mouth before she could continue her word vomit.

Everyone else gasped, while Lucy cocked an eyebrow.

"Amy say what?" Alex asked.

"Miss Bradshaw, is there something you would like to share with the rest of the class?" Lucy asked.

"I have the right to remain silent, anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law. I have the right to an attorney…" Amy continued to read off her rights.

"My sister just arrested herself," Alex said in disbelief.

"I never thought I'd see the day you got arrested," Lucy said. "Especially since I'm standing two feet in front of you."

"So we are at a stalemate?" Scud assumed. "Which means this problem can only be solved one way."

The room was silent for a minute.

"What way might that be, Scud?" Lucy asked.

"I don't know I figured someone else could fill in the blank," he replied defeated.

Everyone in the room was completely silent and lost in thought, with the exception of Max, who was still high and preoccupied.

Scud started playing on his iPhone while waiting for a response, and Amy and Lucy were in a battle of wills, while Janet, Alex, and Dominique scratched their heads.

Five incredibly long and boring minutes later Scud walked over to the stubborn couple, placing one hand on Lucy's shoulder, and the other on Amy's shoulder.

"By the power vested in me by , I now pronounce you wife and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Lucy and Amy did a double take.

"Did you just?" Amy asked.

"Yes," Scud answered.

"Is it?" Lucy asked.

"Yes," Scud answered again.

"So that means?" Amy asked.

"Yes. Now kiss the bride so Janet and I can go on our honeymoon," Scud practically ordered.

Amy and Lucy stared at each other awkwardly for a few minutes, before Lucy suddenly started screaming at Scud.

"You can't just marry us! We were going to have a wedding! I was going to invite the uncles! Do you have any idea how dangerous the situation is going to be now? It is an insult to not invite them! You should know that, they were at your wedding! Now, Uncle Pampers was supposed to sing! Do you remember the last time Uncle Pampers didn't get to sing?"

Scud cringed, before remembering the Sinatra set he did for the first dances.

"He was nice," Janet commented. "He had a great voice too."

"And what about my family Scud? What about my mother? She is going to blow her top when she finds out what you did. And she makes Uncle Pampers look like a puppy dog! A Puppy Dog!"

Lucy just nodded understandingly.

"You were going to invite the Christmas Nazi, to your wedding?" Alex asked. "And they wonder why I don't come home for the holidays."

"That is our mother!" Amy yelled.

Lucy calmly placed her hand on Amy's shoulder. "Hun, I love your mom, but she really is kind of a Christmas Nazi, but in a good way, not a Hitler way."

"And just look at it this way," Janet attempted to comfort the other couple. "At least now you don't have to worry about flower arrangements, or color schemes, or wedding planners."

"Yeah, and Lucy doesn't have to give another speech," Scud added.

Lucy thought about what they both had just said, and came to a sudden realization. She quickly and uncharacteristically wrapped her arms around Scud, hanging on for dear life, and profusely mumbled, "," over and over again.

"How very adult like of you," Amy smirked, while attempting to hold back her laughter.

Lucy immediately let go of Scud and sauntered over to her newly wedded wife. "Babe, before the UN, Interpol, and angry Bulgarians come after us, are you ok with the whole , getting married in a crime scene thing?" She asked sincerely. "Because if you're not ok with it I will swallow my pride, and attempt to surprise and propose to you like I originally planned, before all of this happened."

"I'm ok," Amy replied honestly. "Let's just go home."

Lucy smiled and held Amy's hand as they walked back out to the cars. While everyone else was following quietly behind them, Max was beginning to come down from her high, and didn't like the quiet of the chaos they had caused at all.

"God, I have such headache. I haven't felt this bad since I took the SATs," she complained loudly. "And why am I starving? Can we stop somewhere so I can get a steak? Actually, screw the steak; I'll eat the whole cow. Oh, and I think that Bulgarian guy wrote his number on my arm."

Lucy and Amy quickly slid into the front seats of the Skymobile, while Max and Alex hopped in the back. Lucy started backing up the car in hopes of turning around, when Amy stopped her.

Amy's phone was vibrating rather loudly on the side pocket of the car door. "Luce, wait. I've got a text." She flipped open the phone. "Scud says you may now kiss the bride," She read aloud.

"You know," Lucy started while putting the car back into park. "That sounds like the best plan he's had all day." Lucy leaned closer to Amy.

"Screw that," Alex interrupted. "If you two are going to make out, I'm listening to music." He extended his arm in between the two of them and reached to turn on the radio.

"No, Don't!" they both yelled simultaneously as Alex pushed the dial.

A missile proceeded to pop out from the front headlight and fly into the Chancellor's home, blowing up the entire thing with a small series of many spectacular explosions.

"Shit."


End file.
